Today I'm going to vent about something that gets my ire up a bit. This week, the author of the "Twilight" saga, Stephanie Meyer, said that she identifies as a feminist. I'm ambivalent towards Meyer and her work (The "Twilight" saga isn't my favorite, I'll admit), but I was pleased to hear her identify as a feminist. It seems too often female celebrities and women of note are shy to use that term to describe themselves, for fear of how it makes them look, or because they are worried about alienating a male fan base. I always applaud women in the media who are unafraid to embrace feminism, because it can only help the cause.
Of course, there are plenty of people who were irritated by Meyer's statement, who argue that Bella Swan, the heroine in the Twilight books, is anything but a feminist. They argue that her entire identity is based on the two men in her life, that she wants nothing more than to be a wife and a mother, that she has no backbone or self-confidence. I actually disagree to an extent. Just to state it again, I am no fan of Twilight, and I find Bella Swan to be a pretty insipid character in a book chock full of them, but I do think there are aspects of her character that are strong. She knows what she wants, and she gets it, regardless of the opinion of the men in her life (her Father, Edward, Jacob). She bristles at being viewed as anything "weak". She goes to the ends of the earth to take care of the people she loves. Yes, she's simpering and whiny and takes a lot of controlling behavior from Edward, but there are also many positive aspects to her character, especially as the story progresses.
Enough about Twilight. I haven't even read beyond the first book, so I'm not trying to write a glorious review of Meyer's work. I'm just simply saying that to blast Meyer for calling herself a feminist is ridiculous and unfair. I really take issue with women telling other women they can't be feminists, or that certain qualities in their lives, their work, their families, etc somehow disqualify them from being a "true" feminist.
Which brings me to the next thing I'd like to talk about. A friend of mine linked this article by Kate Harding to her Facebook page last week, entitled: "Why I Lose My Mind Every Time We Have The Name Conversation". The author talks about how marriage is in itself a traditionally non-feminist lifestyle choice, but how occasionally feminists DO take part in non-feminist actions, and it doesn't make us any less feminist. The article is great. You should read it.
It did lead to a somewhat spirited conversation between my peers about "taking your husband's name", and why so many women still feel the need to change their surname when they get married. Some people argued that if you get married and take your husband's name, you can't really call yourself a feminist because what you're doing is so anti-feminist. You're essentially labeling yourself as property of your husband.
I really, really disagree with that.
For the record, I kind of took my husband's name. I compromised and hyphenated my maiden name with his last name, giving myself one of those long, drawn out, annoying last names that people in customer service hate having to deal with. I end up having to spell everything out on the phone no less than three times and usually the hyphen screws with their computer system. I wasn't particularly enthused about taking my husband's last name, but I did feel that it was important to me personally to have the same last name as any future children I might have. So I made the decision to hyphenate my two last names. It also felt like I was honoring the joining of my family and his, in a way.
Was taking his last name non-feminist? Okay, I'll give you that. If you look at it from a historical, patriarchal standpoint, taking the last name of your husband upon marriage is pretty backwards. It's definitely not pro-feminism. But just because an act once had a certain meaning or stigma, does that mean it always has to? There are myriad reasons that women change their names - they may like their husband's last name better, it may be easier to spell, they may not be close with their parents and don't want to carry the family name, or maybe they just want to have the same last name as their future children. Maybe they didn't think that much about it and just did it on autopilot, because "that's what you do". Is the act non-feminist? Sure. Is it ANTI-feminist? No. Does it mean the woman in question ISN'T a feminist? Absolutely not.
To quote the article by Kate Harding that I linked to above:
"...I don’t believe a feminist is defined as someone who never, ever makes a non-feminist, or even downright anti-feminist choice."
Kate is absolutely right here. There are plenty of things that women do day to day that may or may not be considered feminist. Simply because they don't know, or maybe they don't care. It could be argued that painting your nails or choosing to listen to Taylor Swift aren't feminist. I think it's ridiculous, but there are certainly people who argue those points.
Feminism is simply this: If you believe that women should be equal to men, and have the same rights and respect as our male peers, then you're a feminist. High fives. Welcome to the club. Beyond that, I don't care if you paint your nails or love romcoms or love or hate Rihanna and Taylor Swift, or if you take your husband's name or are fervently against taking your husband's name. I don't care if you're straight or gay, if you love the color pink, if you're a vegan or a meat eater, if you're Christian or Pagan or Buddhist or an atheist, if you are fat or thin or republican or democrat or if you've had a hundred sexual partners or zero sexual partners. None of that is important to me, and none of it is my business. It is not your responsibility to prove to me that you're a feminist. And it isn't my right to question you if you fall outside my personal opinions of what a feminist should be.
"Feminism is just about equality, really, and there's so much stuff attached to the word, when it's actually so simple. I don't know why it's always so bogged down." - Mia Wasikowska
Every time we put on our judgy hats and start questioning the choices other women make, we strip them of their autonomy. We're doing just as much harm as the patriarchy does, in some ways. Instead of giving women impossible expectations to live up to, why not redefine these old institutions, and celebrate women making choices however they see fit? The more we cluck and judge other women, the less we are taken seriously as a whole. Not one of us are the same. Let's celebrate that, and move forward in the spirit of acceptance.
No comments:
Post a Comment