I'm sure by now you've all heard the news that Congress has finally reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act, or VAWA. The bill to reauthorize VAWA won by a vote of 286 to 138 (every single one of the 138 who opposed the bill were, unsurprisingly, republicans). The bill included provisions for LGBT, Native Americans and undocumented victims of domestic violence (perhaps that would explain why so many republicans were opposed to the bill, but if I'm being honest, I think they would have been opposed either way).
The bill, which has taken republicans and democrats in Congress a year to hash out, will now make its way to President Obama's desk for his signature.
Initially drafted by the office of then-Senator (now VP) Joe Biden, the Act provides $1.6 billion towards the investigation and prosecution of those who do violence towards women, as well as operating several other beneficial programs and support systems to women who have been abused.
It seems like a no-brainer that there should be laws in place to prohibit those who do violence against women - and yet, republicans in Congress consistently vote against the bill, or try to redraft different versions with lesser impact. I can't help but wonder about the motivations of these Congressmen, and why they would seek to keep victims of domestic violence from obtaining justice, support and safety.
In recent decades, a great deal of awareness has been raised about domestic violence, and yet, many people are still cloudy about what it entails. Even those who claim to be sympathetic to abuse victims often end up victim-blaming, shaming or casually explaining away the abuse.
As a person who has been on the receiving end of abuse from a partner, I can tell you that there is nothing an abuse victim does to "deserve" or "bring on" the abuse doled out on them. Abusers abuse for various reasons - mental health issues, anger problems, a love of power, substance abuse, growing up in a pattern of violence, or a combination of these - they act out their behaviors in a cycle. No matter what the victim does, says, or tries to do to prevent the abuse, it will inevitably happen again, and again, unless some drastic change takes place. Sadly, often enough this drastic change is the extreme injury or even death of the victim. In some happier cases, the victim is able to get away from her abuser, or in rare cases, the abuser is able to seek help and stop the violent behavior. Statistically, however, this does not happen very often.
I can't tell you how many women (and a few men) I know that are, or have been victims of physical violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse or some other form of domestic violence. The saddest part is how often I hear it explained away by those friends and family who should be offering them support and help. "Well, he shouldn't hit her, but she does bring it on herself." "I don't like how he treats her, but she's kind of a bitch, too." "I've seen her hit him before, though." "She has had so many chances to get away from him, and she keeps going back, so she must like it." "If she won't help herself, why should I help her?" These are just a few examples of the apathetic, ignorant things I've heard said about victims of domestic violence.
Look. It's not that easy. Domestic violence is a vicious cycle - a pattern of behavior that involves both the abuser and the abused, and one that is damn hard to get out of. It is simply not that easy to just "get out". Many women who have been abused go back to their partner at least two times before they are able to finally break free of the cycle of violence (if they are able to break free at all). Domestic violence often involves more than just physical abuse. It involves brainwashing, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, financial control and more. The combination of these makes it nearly impossible for the victim to just "up and leave". Often children are involved. Things like shared property, pets, or money are a factor. The victim may not have anyone to ask for help, or may not be able to afford to leave. They could be afraid that their abuser will not let them go without a fight. They could be fearing for their life. Perhaps their own pride won't let them admit they are being abused. Or, they may honestly love their abuser and don't want to "give up" on them. There are a million reasons that abused women do not leave right away, or ever. People who suggest that victims who don't get out must deserve what is happening to them, or worse, that they "like it" are, quite frankly, ignorant and devoid of empathy.
These attitudes abound in society, however. Just look at the ongoing saga of Chris Brown and Rihanna. It has been a tale dominating the news on and off for three years. It makes me shudder to think of how many young girls still idolize Brown and blame Rihanna for the abuse she suffered. And then you have the other half of the spectrum, those who blame Rihanna for going back to Brown, claiming that she should know better, that she should be a role model for young women, and that she's letting us all down by going back to her abuser. Why do we assume that just because Rihanna is a celebrity, and someone in the public eye, that she is above or immune to the cycle of abuse? Why do we feel that she owes us something? She's already been a victim once, and now we, as a collective, are abusing her all over again by making her private abuse our public debate. We blame her, judge her, and make excuses for her abuser. Both Rihanna and Chris Brown have admitted in interviews that they grew up around domestic violence - both have witnessed it first hand. It should not be surprising that they've found that cycle hard to shake in adulthood.
If my experiences have taught me anything, it is that there is no room in this life to judge others' decisions and actions. We're all fighting a hard battle. Those who battle with domestic violence have it harder still. Those women who are able to get out should be applauded for sure, but those who are not deserve more than belittling and judgement. They deserve compassion and understanding.
I hope that the reauthorization of VAWA will help to provide justice and support for those women, and that awareness will continue to be raised for victims of domestic violence.
A Portrait of Domestic Violence
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