The Reauthorization of VAWA and How We View Domestic Violence

I'm sure by now you've all heard the news that Congress has finally reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act, or VAWA. The bill to reauthorize VAWA won by a vote of 286 to 138 (every single one of the 138 who opposed the bill were, unsurprisingly, republicans). The bill included provisions for LGBT, Native Americans and undocumented victims of domestic violence (perhaps that would explain why so many republicans were opposed to the bill, but if I'm being honest, I think they would have been opposed either way).

The bill, which has taken republicans and democrats in Congress a year to hash out, will now make its way to President Obama's desk for his signature.

Initially drafted by the office of then-Senator (now VP) Joe Biden, the Act provides $1.6 billion towards the investigation and prosecution of those who do violence towards women, as well as operating several other beneficial programs and support systems to women who have been abused.

It seems like a no-brainer that there should be laws in place to prohibit those who do violence against women - and yet, republicans in Congress consistently vote against the bill, or try to redraft different versions with lesser impact. I can't help but wonder about the motivations of these Congressmen, and why they would seek to keep victims of domestic violence from obtaining justice, support and safety.

In recent decades, a great deal of awareness has been raised about domestic violence, and yet, many people are still cloudy about what it entails. Even those who claim to be sympathetic to abuse victims often end up victim-blaming, shaming or casually explaining away the abuse.

As a person who has been on the receiving end of abuse from a partner, I can tell you that there is nothing an abuse victim does to "deserve" or "bring on" the abuse doled out on them. Abusers abuse for various reasons - mental health issues, anger problems, a love of power, substance abuse, growing up in a pattern of violence, or a combination of these - they act out their behaviors in a cycle. No matter what the victim does, says, or tries to do to prevent the abuse, it will inevitably happen again, and again, unless some drastic change takes place. Sadly, often enough this drastic change is the extreme injury or even death of the victim. In some happier cases, the victim is able to get away from her abuser, or in rare cases, the abuser is able to seek help and stop the violent behavior. Statistically, however, this does not happen very often.

I can't tell you how many women (and a few men) I know that are, or have been victims of physical violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse or some other form of domestic violence. The saddest part is how often I hear it explained away by those friends and family who should be offering them support and help. "Well, he shouldn't hit her, but she does bring it on herself." "I don't like how he treats her, but she's kind of a bitch, too." "I've seen her hit him before, though." "She has had so many chances to get away from him, and she keeps going back, so she must like it." "If she won't help herself, why should I help her?" These are just a few examples of the apathetic, ignorant things I've heard said about victims of domestic violence.

Look. It's not that easy. Domestic violence is a vicious cycle - a pattern of behavior that involves both the abuser and the abused, and one that is damn hard to get out of. It is simply not that easy to just "get out". Many women who have been abused go back to their partner at least two times before they are able to finally break free of the cycle of violence (if they are able to break free at all). Domestic violence often involves more than just physical abuse. It involves brainwashing, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, financial control and more. The combination of these makes it nearly impossible for the victim to just "up and leave". Often children are involved. Things like shared property, pets, or money are a factor. The victim may not have anyone to ask for help, or may not be able to afford to leave. They could be afraid that their abuser will not let them go without a fight. They could be fearing for their life. Perhaps their own pride won't let them admit they are being abused. Or, they may honestly love their abuser and don't want to "give up" on them. There are a million reasons that abused women do not leave right away, or ever. People who suggest that victims who don't get out must deserve what is happening to them, or worse, that they "like it" are, quite frankly, ignorant and devoid of empathy.

These attitudes abound in society, however. Just look at the ongoing saga of Chris Brown and Rihanna. It has been a tale dominating the news on and off for three years. It makes me shudder to think of how many young girls still idolize Brown and blame Rihanna for the abuse she suffered. And then you have the other half of the spectrum, those who blame Rihanna for going back to Brown, claiming that she should know better, that she should be a role model for young women, and that she's letting us all down by going back to her abuser. Why do we assume that just because Rihanna is a celebrity, and someone in the public eye, that she is above or immune to the cycle of abuse? Why do we feel that she owes us something? She's already been a victim once, and now we, as a collective, are abusing her all over again by making her private abuse our public debate. We blame her, judge her, and make excuses for her abuser. Both Rihanna and Chris Brown have admitted in interviews that they grew up around domestic violence - both have witnessed it first hand. It should not be surprising that they've found that cycle hard to shake in adulthood.

If my experiences have taught me anything, it is that there is no room in this life to judge others' decisions and actions. We're all fighting a hard battle. Those who battle with domestic violence have it harder still. Those women who are able to get out should be applauded for sure, but those who are not deserve more than belittling and judgement. They deserve compassion and understanding.

I hope that the reauthorization of VAWA will help to provide justice and support for those women, and that awareness will continue to be raised for victims of domestic violence.

A Portrait of Domestic Violence

Makers: Women Who Make America

So it may be a few days before I'm fully up and running and have unique, awesome content for you guys to snack on. In the meantime, I'd love to humbly suggest that you RUN, DO NOT WALK to see this amazing documentary that aired on PBS last night. Makers: Women Who Make America is a three part series hosted by Meryl Streep, celebrating the amazing women of past and present who have left their mark on feminism, and paved the way for women everywhere.

Makers: The Website

The documentary had me riveted from the get-go. I laughed, I cried. I loved hearing from notable women like Gloria Steinem, Judy Blume, Marlo Thomas, Oprah, and Hillary Clinton about what feminism means to them. Every woman (and man) should watch it.

Herro There!

Welcome, Readers!

After much careful consideration, navel-gazing, and frequent moments of self doubt, I've decided to start a blog. I'm thrilled to have you join me!

A very little about me:

I'm in my early 30's, am Mother to a hilarious, silly little boy, and live in the South. I wear many hats, but most importantly, I'm a Feminist, a vegetarian, an athlete, a wife, a mother, an artist, a foodie, a writer, and a friend. I toe the line between being a scientifically minded, sardonic, cynical young woman, and being a crunchy-granola, corduroy pants wearing, peace-loving hippie and naturalist. Usually I manage quite well at reconciling these two drastically different sides of my personality, but sometimes they clash, often with hilarious results. My favorite teacher in High School once told me that I was a paradox of epic proportions, and though that was almost 13 years ago, I don't think I've really changed much, at least not in that regard.

As a freelance writer with a frequent online presence, I've had the privilege of working for a number of women-centric blogs, magazines and websites, many with a focus on feminism, motherhood, health and nutrition, politics, fashion, and pop culture. I've leant my voice to a great many different sites and other magazines and publications, and have been lucky enough to participate in some great discussions about a wide variety of topics. I've learned a lot through my experience as a writer, editor, and administrator.

Too often, though, I've found myself scouring the web for websites, blogs and other media that fulfill my interests, of which are quite varied and well, all over the place. A forum where I can find things that appeal to my wide variety of interests, my lifestyle and my passions. There are countless websites for feminists on the internet, just as there are countless websites devoted to cooking, or art, or being a Mom. What I wanted was a “one stop shop”, where I could go to read hilarious stories from my peers about their goofy kids, or thought provoking pieces from fellow feminists on important issues, and then perhaps click over to find a great recipe. My blog is meant to be just that. It's a little bit of everything. Here, I will talk about Motherhood, writing and art, health and exercise, nutrition and food, current events (and yes, a little politics, though I'll spare you sermons when I can), books and media, fashion, and everything else you can think of - all mixed in with a heaping dose of good old-fashioned feminism (expect a post very soon about what feminism actually is, as opposed to the vile stereotypes that we're still fighting against. It never ceases to amaze me that we've made it to the year 2013, and many of our fellow successful, evolved, intelligent women still think feminism is a dirty word. But that's another rant for another time).

This blog is for me, to get out those things that bother me, that upset me, that make bowl me over with joy. The things I find funny, inspiring, and the things that move me. But this blog is also for you. Once we've gotten off the ground, I plan to open this blog up and showcase the opinions, ideas, art, and work of other like-minded individuals who would like to share their unique voice. I welcome submissions of photographs, art, poetry, essays, recipes and anything else you may care to share with us. My only requirement is that you be an open minded individual who cares about our environment, the equal rights of others, and basically, so long as you're not a total asshole, I'm happy to let you be heard. More information on the kind of submissions I'm looking for will be offered up later, so keep an eye out. Seriously, I want to hear from you!

This blog will often be funny, at times sad, and always thought provoking. I hope you'll stay along for the ride!