Today I have a rambling collection of thoughts (which are not very concise at all) to share about religion, spirituality, science and the labels we attach to them.
I'm an agnostic atheist. It isn't a label that I bring up in many conversations, unless I'm asked, because I still adhere to the belief that it's impolite to push your religion (or lack thereof) on others. I'm well aware that I'm a dying breed in this regard - today, most people are pretty in-your-face about their belief systems; aggressively so. Not me.
I actually have a pretty strong background when it comes to religion, though. I've never been ambivalent to it. I obtained my degree in World Religions (minor in Women's Studies, which will surprise nobody) in college, and even before that I was always interested - no, fascinated - by religion. I was born and raised Southern Methodist, but also exposed to Catholicism pretty regularly, as well as attending many Kingdom Hall meetings with Jehovah's Witnesses in our family. I participated in all of them with eager, wide-eyed fascination. In high school I became obsessed with Jesus (full disclosure: I think became enamored with the look of white, blue-eyed, bearded Jesus with a slightly lusty fervor that I find embarrassing now) and I devoured every book on Christianity and Christ that I could get my hands on. I collected Bibles (and read the "good book" three times from cover to cover during that period), wore a silver crucifix, attended Church regularly, wrote poetry and short stories about Christ and his disciples, and watched every movie and documentary I could get my hands on (the glorious irony of the musical Jesus Christ Superstar, which I loved unabashedly and still do, totally went over my head at the time). I was pretty fervent for a 16 year old. I was also impossibly flighty and dying to find some meaning, and once I'd bled all I could out of that faith, I quickly moved onto the next thing. Which was Buddhism. I threw myself into learning about the Buddha, and then when I realized I'd gleaned all of the truths I could from that, it was on to paganism.
By the time I started attending college, and was eagerly sinking my teeth into the first of many religious lectures, I had become a Baha'i, which I remained for almost a decade. Baha'ism is rooted in the belief that all religions are valid - in the simplest of nutshells, most Baha'i believe that every prophet - Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Muhammad and so on - are legit, so to speak. They believe that these men were all incantations of the same prophet, just appearing at different times and different places to bring the message to their various followers. They are all prophets of the same God, and therefore all religions are actually one. If only everyone in the world who believes in God would accept this truth, how many conflicts might be avoided? My idealistic mind clung to this. I accepted Baha'ism as my truth for a very long time, and if I were still a religious person, I'd most likely still be a Baha'i.
Somewhere along the way, though, I lost my faith totally. Well, I didn't so much lose it as I cast it aside deliberately. The irony isn't lost on me that after obtaining a degree in Religion, and studying all the major faiths in the world, that I would become an atheist. It's ironic, but it isn't surprising. I've known other Religion majors who have taken a similar path.
I'm not just an atheist though, in the sense that many people are. As I said above, I'm an agnostic atheist. I've heard some pushback from both religious people and atheists alike that this is not possible. "You can't be an atheist and an agnostic," they'd say. "Atheists don't believe in anything, period. Agnostics just don't know what they believe. You can't be both."
Ah, but yes, I can. I DO WHAT I WANT.
Seriously, though - it's actually pretty simple. An atheist agnostic is simply a person who doesn't suppose there is a god - they've seen and heard enough evidence to support the assertion that there isn't - but they also are aware of the fact that we cannot see, hear or know everything. There is always room for error in the scientific mind. We don't have all the facts, so it is impossible to make a judgement call with 100% certainty. So yeah - I am pretty sure, almost positive in fact, that there is no god. But I'm not 100% sure. I'm open to the idea of one.
I find the idea of being 100% absolutely certain of something to be distasteful. Life has proven to us again and again that we can't know everything about the universe, about ourselves. Why should faith (or lack thereof) be any different?
I don't mind arguing semantics with folks, especially when it comes to Religion, because Religion is something that continues to fascinate me, even after I've abandoned it all together. It's true that so many atrocities have been committed in the name of Religion, but it is also true that Religion gives a great many people comfort and solace in a time of need. You won't find me judging those people, as long as they aren't judging me. I thrive on theological discussions and debates - it is one of my passions in life, after all.
What I don't like is being patronized, treated in a smug manner, or being talked down to by people who are religious and see me as somehow inferior because I am not. Often I want to rip out my hair when confronted with a person quoting a scripture that doesn't exist, or trying to tell me about a passage in the Bible that they can't remember properly. Even if I hadn't been studying religion and the Bible my whole life, I'd have the right to practice whatever belief system I see fit, and to assume that non-religious folks are somehow less educated or in need of enlightenment is self-righteous and disrespectful. We're all as qualified as we need to be to choose the life that fits us, regardless of whether or not we've read the Bible or possess a degree in religious studies. The fact that I have, and I do, just makes it all the more frustrating when confronted with outright lies, ignorance and misinterpretations.
If I were still religious, there is no way I'd ever believe that God is hateful, or judgmental, or that he'd condemn one person who had done a million good deeds selflessly, and send another less-good person to Heaven simply because they went to church more. If I were religious, I'd be reading scripture and finding the wisdom and truth through my own insights, rather than listening to false prophets like the guy from Duck Dynasty, Pat Robertson or Sarah Palin.
It bugs me to no end that it is assumed that atheists lack spirituality. I've seen so many memes floating around on social media, humblebragging about the poor lot of us pitiful atheists, how we have nothing to believe in, no beauty in our line of vision, no paradise to look forward to, nothing to praise.
Clearly, anyone who believes that atheists are missing out has never watched an episode of Cosmos: A Space Time Odyssey (the old or new version). How can you behold the Universe in its magnificent glory and not feel your spirit move? I'm sorry, but Religion does not have a monopoly on that.
I saw this video a few years ago and it made me cry like a baby. It changed my life, which is kind of embarrassing to say about a YouTube video, but it's true. It changed my life. I watch it and share it all the time. It brings me so much joy.
In the past, Religion brought me joy, too. I've carried pieces of so many faiths with me in my journey. Who knows what the future will hold when it comes to my spirituality. I am open-minded, and eagerly anticipate the possibilities. People love to say that being an atheist must be so finite, so depressing, so utterly without hope, but I can tell you that isn't remotely true. It was only after I became an atheist (albeit an agnostic one) that I realized just how spiritual I really am. I'm in love with the Universe, and I have a very strong faith - mine is just in people themselves.
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